How can I best enjoy, stay growing, be useful and find ease in my 87 years on this planet?

I had to subtract my birth year from the year I am in now to verify that I will be 88 in July of this year. But now, I am still 87. These are numbers I can’t relate to. Where are my 50s, my 70s?  I am still a young girl in an old woman’s body. Stop! Stop the merry-go-round. I want to get off. Stop moving. Stay with my self in one time zone––no more adding of years to my age.

I want to rest within a single time frame. I want to be held by the arms of my apple tree. May I be happy; may I be free from suffering; may I be healthy; may I live with ease. May I not be tyrannized by my earth home’s revolutions around the sun. May I rest into my self, orbiting around my studio, my neighborhood, my precious connections/communications with old friends, family, newly developing friendships.

Face it! I am not in control of my aging–– All of elders (if this were the 70s, I would call myself, “a wise woman”) are orbiting in stress and anxiety, trying to navigate this world in chaos, in angst because greedy white men billionaires are out to destroy our empathy, compassion, justice, and fairness. They are forcing the destruction of social welfare and health care for all. They are trying to erase the documented history of genocide, ethnic cleansing, racism, misogyny. They want to stop protecting our environment, destroy all the procedures that caring humans have tried to build with democratic values over decades, centuries.

I need to stop worrying how old I am and make myself useful and do everything I can to breathe out love, hope, caring, all the while growing connections with and helping others.  At 87 I am so aware of how much energy I have and don’t have… and I am so aware of the gargantuan amount of energy being spent on the horrifying, endless assaults by a person named Trump and his sicko-phants on the people in this country and around the world. The energy put into dealing with him and his cruel, negative, anti-humane billionaire side-kicks could be used to repair all the injustices marring our planet-earth. We need all our energy to work together in harmony and heal ourselves and our mistreated planet and all the mistreated creatures inhabiting it. I can’t stand giving these criminals one more ounce of my precious energy at this precious age of 87.