Once again, I am in a period of needing to relearn how to feel at home with myself. With the ending of a long period of work on a creative project, and without the repetitive daily schedule, knowing what to focus on, my center becomes unfastened from its mooring place. I am in new waters. I must regroup and recenter once again.
How can I be a friend to myself, make myself comfortable, not stressed or anxious, but feeling a sense of well-being, rooted in a life that feels meaningful in my creative/activism/meditation construct? In other words: Be confidant that I will keep doing what I can do with assurance and proof that I am helping/affecting others in a positive way by my active existence? The Big Challenge: How can I both accept my age, 87, and at the same time, not let that fact force a restrictive reality on my existence? I see my hand shakes. I can’t escape that I am more prone to stress in my elder years, but I still have a life force in me. I still want to grow, affect others, be a force for loving-kindness, justice, communication, joy, tenderness, peace. In my loving connection to my partner, Janet, I am concerned to not become overly dependent and lose sight that I still can be my own dear friend. And while joying in my closeness with her, nurturing the closeness to myself, my old friends and family members, I will nourish heart-felt communication with many new persons, coming my way.
Jeri Hilderley 